Fixing You // Earnest Money

I will tear down your tattered trim.

Wreck your warped wood.

I will cut every cracked corner.

Wrapping every worn wire.

Break down your sunken, un-sound structure.

Rip out your ragtag roof.

Float your long forgotten flatwork.

And build your bearing wall stronger than before.

drunken nights

A bitter grin, teeth hiding a lust for pure destruction. Unsatisfied, and understimulated. Disillusioned into apathy, though I prevail.

Bring on survivalism and struggle, my arms are wide open. Faking normality brings me no benifit. Give me a weapon and a reason to survive.

Give me nothing.

Foul Anchor

Captaining my sinking ship,

Hands clutching the wheel,

I am as hard-headed as ever,

Reminiscent to a fault.

Steadfast and Stouthearted.

Brave and Benevolent.

Choking on my pride.

Touching bottom I no longer feel submerged.

I could apoligize a million times over, but you and I both know..

This asshole's words fall on deaf ears.

Brautigan

“The sun was like a huge 50-cent piece that someone had poured kerosene on and then had lit with a match, and said, "Here, hold this while I go get a newspaper," and put the coin in my hand, but never came back.”

PART IIII: Same War, Different Battle

The great powers of the world, countries exerting their influence on a global scale, had converged all across Europe. A chancellor rose in command, abolished democracy, rearmed his country and launched all out war on the surrounding territories. With blitzkrieg tactics, he swept the land with elite fighting power, and overwhelming vigor. Hitler believed "Strength lies not in defense, but in attack.." "Germany will either be a world power, or will not be at all." Here's hopin' for the latter.

Most of the men where sleeping for first watch that night, while I sat on the perimeter of our encampment. Reading over Scarlet's letters I could picture the way she smelled perfectly, as if she was here meeting me for the first time all over again. Her beautiful form captivated my mind and set it ablaze. I began writing, doing my best to reassure her of my safety and my love.

"…It looks like this war will be over soon, at least the end is in sight. The Germans still have a lot of fight left in them even they know they lost the war. It looks like they are intent on making it a costly victory. Darling everyday that passes is a day nearer to home and a day closer to you. Lets hope and pray that God will hasten this end. Will write tomorrow.

All my love,

Liam"

Things would be different after this war was over, much different. Could I look her in the eyes and tell her that I am fine, knowing damn well the demons I've picked up. Will she still love me after the hell and murder I've endured so far away from her gentle arms? I placed the letter down, and pulled out my pack of lucky strikes and her picture. I flicked my zippo to light my cigarette, illuminating her beauty on the 2x3 photo. I smiled as though she could see me.

I was on the ground before I heard the shot, it must have come from some distance. Pain surged through my muscles as I clutched my chest, feeling warm vital fluid leave my body. With shaking hands I reached under my back to find an exit wound, and more warmth. I some how managed to hold on to her picture when the bullet hit me, and paniced at the thought of never seeing her again. I don't remember much after that, just the sky above illuminated with flares and millions of stars. "Sniper!" "Medic!!" ..two words you never want to hear.

I woke up near a week later, in some OD colored nightmare, all sorts of tubes and bandaging in and on my body. I rolled over onto my side and let out a deep groan, feeling overwhelming pain throughout my chest. This is when I saw her letter.

"Dearest Liam,

I know this isn't the way it’s supposed to be done. Writing like this. But, it’s the only way I have left. Sitting at home, unable to look into your eyes, my mind goes blank, my thoughts jumble, and I am left with nothing for you but tears.

Being this far away from you has put a weight on my heart, and I don't know if I can bare it any longer. I wish I did not have to pass the burden onto you, while fighting for our nation.. but I must persist. Being with you has taught me so much that I will cherish well into my declining years. I wish for you, a happiness that will endure.

Good-bye my love,

Scarlet"

..Oh for fucks sake.

PART III: Tryannen Raufen

"Baker, you've got to be fucking kidding me, they HAVE TO take us off the line!" I said, breaking formation and jogging up to him. "You gotta talk to the captain, we've been fighting like dogs for more than a week." He turned his head smirking and replied "That's why you're called a dog faced soldier, private.. get the FUCK back IN FORMATION" flicking his lit smoke at me. I reluctantly fell back into the column and continued down the road. The thought of a hot bath and getting out of this god damn uniform was ever-so quickly shit all over.. thanks sarge.

I scratched my bristly face and reached down to undo my haversack and dig for my pencil and pad. I had been writing a little every day for the last year, and was surprised at the stories that accumulated. Writing about the things I'd done and the places I'd been in this country came MUCH easier than keeping track of lost friends and how many men I'd killed. I remember my first TEN and how I was proud to mark another dead kraut on my list; The thought of the fifty-five I had marked down since makes my mind numb.

I hastily slashed two kills (which was now 57 men), and wrote KIA: Stewart and Ski. When i closed the pad of paper and stuffed it into my haversack; I saw the line of black boots walking opposite of us. A platoon sized line of worn faces, bloodstained uniforms, and defeated men. We beat the hell out of them with all odds against us. Our hard fighting in these woods where the turning point for the push into Germany. They began singing:

"Wir sind des Geyers schwarze Haufen,

Hei juchhe!
Und wollen mit Tyrannen raufen,
Hei juchhe!"

From what little German I know, sounds like "we are the black hoard, and want a tyrants battle!" - ironic song to sing after being defeated. I could hear the low hum their voices fade off behind me as we made our way down the road. I'm sure everyone in the unit had a sense of victory seeing the big, bad Fallschirmjäger tuck tail and surrender.

The sun was a fiery low orange, just high enough in the sky to cast beams of warm light between the tree lines. The cold was setting in so we walked a few more miles, pulled off the road and into the woods to set up camp for the night. We had 15 miles to go until we reached Germany.

"I'm just a dog faced soldier, with a rifle on my shoulder, and I eat a kraut for breakfast every day"